Getting to know me a little better..

This is now my second post. It’s just going to be a way for you guys to get to know a little bit more about me and my chaotic life. I was always known as the “good girl”, well.. kinda. By good I mostly mean I made good grades and had pretty good behavior, except for my kindergarten phase where I liked to hit other kids (savage). Anyways, I had always kept that good kid image until around the end of freshman year, beginning of sophomore year. That’s when I started getting a little.. wild.  I partook in marijuana for the first time around the beginning of the year, going into the fall season of sophomore year.  Within a few weeks I went on a car ride with a guy, who is so irrelevant we’re not giving him a name, that resulted in a little mouth action below the belt, and before that I had never done anything besides kiss a boy. A little after that I lost my virginity to a complete loser in a way I really don’t like to even discuss. We can call him, Todd. Well, Todd told everyone and from then on I developed not really the best reputation. After Todd I was still drinking and smoking all the time until my already bad anxiety, like shot to the roof and I was an emotional wreck about 95% of the time and went into a deep depression. I missed a few days of school to calm down and then we had winter break so I cut off my hair, stopped wearing makeup and dressed down like everyday. Right before we went back to school from winter break, a boy, his name will be Scott, started texting me asking to hangout. I had already kinda had a thing for Scott, but he told me he just wanted the benefits without the relationship so because I thought he walked on water, I agreed. We met at the drive-in and that thing I mentioned earlier about below the belt, yeah it happened again with him. I guess in my head I had came to the conclusion that since I had already lost the one thing that kept me “pure” was gone, I didn’t really have to worry about anything like that, idk. There was a little get together at a friends house for New Years and it happened again while everyone was watching the ball drop. Scott quit really talking to me as much after that and sadly I got pretty promiscuous. I had sex with 2 more guys before school let out for summer break and was honestly really in the party scene always out drinking on the weekends. Through all of this was a guy I had kinda kept on the side since middle school, “Brad”. Brad was that guy that was sensitive, caring, and really liked me, which of course is why I never really gave him the time of day. But Brad was the guy that I hungout with and texted in that way that I couldn’t with any of these other guys I have talked about. He knew about everything I had done and he didn’t care. He did care however that I still sometimes hung out with Scott, but after the New Years incident me and Scott didn’t do anything when we would hangout, just smoked. Summer was mostly me hanging out with my friend, “Maddie”. Maddie, like me, drank, smoked, and kinda slept around. Although she was way worse than I even thought about being. Maddie was the type to do whatever a guy says and even paid for it a few times with her abusive off and on boy friend. (who of which are back together and why were not friends). At the end of summer I went to a party with Maddie and I got really drunk and ending up sleeping with the “popular” guy, “Rory”.  Everyone found out about Rory. At this point I am one of the high school whores, not the worst, but one of them. After that I decided I was gonna wait till a serious relationship to do it again. Did I mention I am totally spooked by commitment? Well, skipping ahead to in junior year. I had noticed a few guys that had really gotten hot over the summer, Andy, Marcus, and Cody. They were all best friends. I have been really really close friends with Marcus for years. Well, Andy and I started hanging out and had gotten to really like him. Then out of nowhere, Marcus throws me a curve ball and tells me he has a thing for me. But keep in mind, he has a girlfriend. So, me being the self destructive person I am, sleep with Marcus, three times. Out of guilt he told his girlfriend, Kaylee, and Andy. Andy was furious but he stayed with me anyways and we were gonna make it work. I was still getting texts everyday from Marcus asking for it to happen again and then switching up completely saying we shouldn’t speak anymore. Back and forth everyday. I think in my head I wanted it to happen again but didn’t want to feel guilty about it, so I told Andy I wanted to end it. He was really upset. I should have known it would happen but. After I ended it with Andy completely changed, he never texted me and was actually rude to me calling me names. But time goes on and now I have moved on from Marcus. I actually talked to Andy last night about how we both still missed each other and now we actually talk and are on good terms. I don’t think we will get back together, but I am glad were friends again. I wish I still had Marcus, who was my best friend, but that’s life. All this brings me to today, laying in bed, writing this anonymous blog about my life and dealing with all my sh*t. I really hope you guys stay tuned for more posts and enjoy my struggles lol, ily.

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